The B.U.M.P Tour
So Many Brothels, So Little Time
March 17, 2010
On an overcast St Patrick’s Day I headed out on Austin Road to try to find the Lazy B Ranch. I did, but there was nothing but a desert out there. The Lazy B went belly up in 1975. Maybe they stopped going belly up in 1975. I don’t know the proper terminology for a brothel that goes out of business but belly up does seem to have something to do with it. I also went just a little further to where the Petticoat Junction is to be built but it was empty desert just like the Lazy B. But I took a picture and I am counting those two. Hey! I can’t be held responsible for these failures. I do my part.
So off I went on Interstate 80 which is not my favorite road but there are few roads out here and not so many towns either. I fueled up in Lovelock which is a neat little high desert town. I can’t say I would want to spend a weekend in Lovelock but it was pretty cool. No bordellos though.
In Winnemucca I found the bordellos on Riverside. These are a bit different in that they are actually in the town. These are the first I have run across that were not located way outside of town in an industrial area. I found the Wild Horse Saloon which seemed to be closed for repairs, and the Villa Joy which was closed because it was too early in the day. All other brothels have advertised as being open 24 hours but not this one. Even though it was too early, the Madame came out to invite me in.
Closed for remodel
I also took a picture of the Pussycat Ranch which seemingly had been located at the same site but now there was only an empty lot. Maybe they ran out of cats. There was suppose to be another bordello in town but I could never find it. The people I asked disavowed all knowledge. So I moved on.
Winnemucca is in a pretty location with snow covered peaks on the southern side. I stopped for lunch at The Griddle and then got back on I-80.
No Cats Available
Battle Mountain: I located Donna’s Ranch and it was back out among the junk yards and industrial area. It was a pretty sad looking area of town. But there is always something: I noticed this tattooed, leathered up biker dude eyeing me as I went by so I stopped and chatted with him. As it turns out, people are people even if they live in a beat up trailer behind a whorehouse and dress like biker dudes. I had a nice visit and got on my way.
The day was still overcast and I went over a pass at about 5,000 feet where there was snow on the side of the road. I have to keep reminding myself that it is still winter as much as I don’t want it to be.
I turned off of I-80 onto hwy 278 and came upon Sharon’s Brothel and Bar in Carlin, NV. It is pretty much a trailer on the side of the road with nothing around it. I was thirsty so I stopped for a drink and chatted with the Madame Pat who was celebrating her birthday. Yada, yada, yada, and I left an hour later and drove down the road to Dovetail Ranch which is also a trailer on the side of the road. I was no longer thirsty so I just took a picture.
Bob in front of Sharon’s
In Elko the brothels are back inside the town and there are a lot of them: Inez’s Dancing and Diddling Bar (I don’t make these up), Mona’s Ranch, Sue’s Fantasy Club, and No 1 Geisha Massage parlor which is our one massage parlor on the list to go along with the brothels. Remember this is the B.ordello U.nd M.assage P.arlor tour.
Then to break things up I took the Lamoille Canyon Scenic Byway outside of Elko. At one point in my life I found riding the scenic byways of America quite interesting. That was before BUMPS. It was short but very scenic for this part of the country, which is mostly high desert.
Bob near Lamoille.
It had been a full day with a lot of miles, most of them at over 80 MPH which is really not my style. But in eastern Nevada there is no reason to drive much slower. I pulled in to the Red Lion Casino in Elko for the night. A few beers and some dinner and I will be ready to go again in the morning.