Machine Guns and NASCAR

The B.U.M.P.S. Tour

March 20, 2010

I spent some time in the gym and then a lot of time cleaning up my Spyder. After my off road excursions looking for whore houses, it had gotten pretty dirty.


Then I rode over to the Hard Rock Cafe to retrieve a credit card that I had left there the night before. I could have walked over which would have been about 3/4 of a mile but I decided to ride my scooter instead. I parked at the MGM Grand which is next door to the Hard Rock. Once I had parked I had to walk about 1/2 mile to get to where I was going. The buildings along this end of the strip are huge! I am scared to go into some of them in fear of never been able to find my way out. That may have been part of their plan.


Some parking spots are made to order.

They did not have my credit card. Being in Las Vegas without a credit card is like being up the ole ‘S’ creek without a paddle so I will have to get that remedied.

Then I rode Las Vegas Blvd, "The Strip", from one end to the other. I have to admit that I have never been to Las Vegas. I was here once on business and even that was years ago. So the magnificent casinos they have been built in recent years are truly something worth seeing. And traveling along The Strip I had plenty of time to look at them because traffic is pretty slow. People would step out from the crowd on the sidewalk and ask me about the bike. I believe that the strip is more for seeing and being seen then for transportation.

As I travelled the six miles or so of the strip it was like going back in time. The further I went north, the smaller and older the casinos became. Eventually, I got to a part of town that is mostly small bars and pawn shops. I suppose if you kept going you would eventually get back to the year 1900 when there were only 27 people living in Las Vegas. Today there was at least that many lined up to get into one pawn shop.

I then went over to The Gun Store. There were people lined up here also. But here the people had belts of ammunition draped over their shoulders and their arms full of banana shaped automatic weapon clips and life size targets of every known terrorist from Bin Laden to Pelosi. I went in and got my armload of ammo and got in line too. I spent my time in line talking politics with a guy wearing a Ron Paul baseball cap.


You feel lucky today, Punk. Well, do you?

Once I got on the firing range my instructor loaded up a 12 gauge shotgun with copper slug rounds. He explained that these solid rounds were used to blow the hinges off of doors "for when waiting for a search warrant seems like it is too much trouble." He was an ex CHP officer. I got to blast away at a terrorist target. With a kick like a small mule this thing tore some pretty impressive holes in my target. Cool.

Next was a MP5 SMG which is an automatic assault rifle used by the Navy Seals. This thing went through 3-25 round clips faster than a jack rabbit on a date. Now I was ankle deep in shell casings but I had made some impressive holes in a new target.

Then it was the high power G3 rifle which is single shot but was fun because it has a laser sight on it. Once I went through my clip on this weapon I got to leave the range and pick out a souvenir t shirt. I got the one that says,” I don’t call 911".

Feeling quite manly after that experience I headed over to Las Vegas Motor Speedway. This is a fairly new 1 and 1/2 mile track where they run the NASCARS. Hmm…from automatic weapons to NASCAR. I guess I am a redneck. I got suited up and got into the No. 18 car with my driver, Buddy. We went out and did some hot laps, hitting about 165 mph in this detuned version of a NASCAR. What a hoot! After a few laps of this my neck was aching from holding my head up against the g forces. My admiration for the guys who do this for a living went up a great deal. It takes a lot of skill, a lot of talent and a lot of cajones. Those are the three reasons I don’t do it.

I returned to the Blue Green 36 and did household chores for a while. (Blue=water; Green= land; 36 = the latitude of the hotel). It is a pretty nice place considering where I usually spend my nights. After I was done with my chores I hung out by the pool and drank beer and listened to a blues band they had there. They were good but they never played ‘Jambalaya".


Bob Naquin


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