Bars Bras and Burritos

The B.U.M.P.S Tour

March 21, 2010

I got on my scooter and went to explore Las Vegas a little bit. At least the part of it that is along the strip. To visit every casino on this strip would take a long time. So I settled for the older portion that is at Casino Center Street and Main, which is known as the Fremont Street Experience.

Fremont Street is a walking mall of relatively old time casinos, gift stores, strip clubs and hotels. The entire street for a few blocks is covered with this high overhead covering that is designed to keep out the sun, mostly, and the rain too if they ever have any. I wandered around for a while and promised myself a night time visit to see a play at one of the casinos.


Dirty Dicks bar bras. I don’t know why.

I then went over to the NASCAR cafe to watch the days NASCAR race in a proper environment. The NASCAR cafe is on the strip and they are known for 180 ounce beers (Jochen-they stole our beer tower idea!) and 6 pound burritos. The deal with the burrito is that you get 90 minutes to eat it and then you get the endless adoration of the crowd and some serious gastrointestinal incidents. Of the 3500 who have tried, only 21 have succeeded so the odds were not good. But one skinny kid after another gave it a shot.


Don’t ever try to eat anything bigger than your head-Miss Piggy

After the race I returned to the Fitzgerald hotel to attend the dinner theater showing of ‘Marriage Can Be Murder’. This was one of those interactive murder mysteries with some of the actors planted in the audience. Of course since all of the people are new to you, you have no way of telling the civilians from the actors. I was immediately considered suspicious because no one was buying my ‘visiting all of the brothels’ cover story. It was very entertaining.

My reason for attending this particular show was to do some research on this type of play. The Drama Group at Wrinkle Ranch has been wanting to do a murder mystery so I thought I would look into the possibility of writing one. At least that is how I am writing this trip off on my taxes.

When I went back onto the street I noticed that the overhead covering had turned into the world’s largest big screen. There were all kinds of things being shown up there. There was also a lot of entertainment going on at street level from bands to individual performances. I saw two more Elvis’s but one of them was Mexican so that had to be the same one I had seen two nights before. The other was in an Elvis mascot costume. Pathetic. I am counting both of them which brings my tally up to three. My brothel count is at 22 so I had better get busy on both counts.

So it was another good day in sin city. But I feel a yearning for the open road. I yearn a lot these days.


Elvis-who else?

Bob Naquin


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